1/27/11

1/27/11
Listening to: Arctic Monkeys - "Brainstorm"

9:08am-
Text from Austin:
"Communication."

10:31am-
Good thing this apartment door opens inward. I'm one of the first people to leave and there's a wall of snow about 8 inches tall climbing up the door.

But wow....! What a beautiful day....!
It's lightly snowing, sun shining, weather isn't thaaat cold and there's about of foot of snow covering everything...!
I love tromping through snow.

11:10am-
Oh. No ones at the studio yet....!
No one knows I was late at all.

1:01pm-
Matt talking about his childhood: "..It didnt seem like much then, but when I think back, we did horrible things..!? Everything just escalates into terrible... Like we would start off like 'let's roll these pumpkins into the street.' and it would somehow get to 'let's set this house on fire.' and there we are with a can of gasoline and matches...!?

1:41pm-
The other day Matt noticed a Photoshop thing I was putting together and commented on it.
Now he and Stacy keep giving me different projects and logos to make for things.
eh.. It's something to do.

3:31pm-
The paper shredder is jammed. The bucket inside it is stuck. It finally came down to 3 people, Austin, Jeremy and I, all on the floor with our hands on this thing trying to yank the bucket out.
Matt walks in and sees the scene, "This should be on our blog."

3:36pm-
Matt, frustrated by the whole thing, picks it up by the handle and just starts kicking it. Austin and I try to grab the sides while he's thrashing it around.
We get the sides and it starts to come loose. He finally yanks it out and there's an explosion of paper shreds.


8:11pm-
Filled my flask with brandy.
I'm to afraid to actually drink it in public any where, but just having it makes me feel like Muff Potter (from Tom and Huck).

8:31pm-
Courtney randomly texted and said it's time to hang out. We made plans for tomorrow night. Short notice.
Which is good cause I miss Courtney and haven't seen her in so long... But... is it just me, or could this be the tiniest bit suspicious....

Great... Now I'm afraid I'm gonna be paranoid about getting robbed by some drug dealers that are holding her hostage......!?

8:59pm-
Meet Shay and Brenden at some cafe near Steps. I sit down an listen to Brenden start talking about drama stuff.
I'm instantly bored out of my mind.


I always wondered what it was, why I get quiet sometimes... And I think, sometimes, it's because I'm trapped in a mind numbingly boring situation.
This is making me nauseous at how annoyingly boring it is....

9:58pm-
At Steps, Shays dance place, watching him and Korhan rehearse a dance.
I feel so weird.. Like I'm in a bad/booooorring movie..
The music is lame.
The atmosphere is lame.
I can't put my finger on exactly what it is though..

People think they can make up any piece of movement and call it dance. And call it art.

10:00pm-
They called a girl to come in and watch.

10:11pm-
The dance is over.
Korhan asks the girl, "what are your thoughts?"
Long pause....
"......very................... Powerful. "
Generic.

Then we listen as she awkwardly tries to make something inspirational up on the spot.

10:13pm-
Buuhhh.... She's still talking.... And she has no idea what she's even saying....
If I was the type to get awkward I would feel so uncomfortable right now. But listening to her try to make something up and watching her face as she tries to hold her expression/stall/think of something flattering is the most amusing thing that's happened all night.

1/26/11

1/26/11
Listening to: Arctic Monkeys - "Fluorescent Adolescent"

11:14am-
Get to the studio. Late.
But john is sitting on the stairs so that means I'm the first one here..

Been at the studio for a while.. It's been quiet.
2:14pm-
Tim and Joe and Allen and John show up on by one and things get busy.
Tim has been wanting to do a video for a week and been planning and making sure Austin and I would be around to do it. So now they're setting up lights and other gear.
It's a 'scanners' video. A short skit about Austin and I and an intern....
My big acting debut.
You'll see when I see.

4:51pm-
Nevermind.
After seeing the inappropriate dialogue chosen and how what could have been mildly funny was directed to be so... 8th grade funny.. (Austin says thats what happens when you smoke pot all the time. You dont mature. Your humor gets stuck in one place) hopefully no one will see it. Ever.

6:01pm-
Finally done.
Stupidest thing ever made.

7:41pm-
Austin drags his glass across the fan on his way to cheers me.
"This brandy is clumsy... From the brandy."

8:23pm-
Taking a sip of beer after drinking a little bit of brandy:
"Wow... So cool and refreshing compared to brandy.. It's like when you're running through a forest and you come across a clear, sparkling river.."

9:13pm-
"I feel like we have a lot of good conversations at this window..."
"We do. We do."

9:36pm-
Austin gets two more beers out of the fridge.
"Cheers."
"To Blue Moon."
"A river in the forest."

10:01pm-
Sitting by the window.
"Man, it's really snowing now. Probably means Matt and Stacy aren't going to work... Which means we might not have to either...."
"Let's communicate in the morning."

10:55pm-
Shay gets home but Austin and I are about to leave.
Austin hugs Shay.
I hug Shay.
Shay: "let's all embrace together in a spiral staircase of friendship."
So we all hug at once.
(Height difference.)

12:31pm-
I brought my cable over and everything and after 30 minutes of trying we still couldn't get the computer to hook up to the tv... Buhhh...

2:41am-
"Ahh... No.. I shouldn't look away..! I'm starting to realize you're like a little puppy that needs to be trained... And may never be....

1/25/11

1/25/11
Listening to: Discovery - "Orange Shirt"

9:15am-
Alarm.
I look out my window to see big, giant snowflakes twirling from the sky.
I cuddle up and go back to sleep.

9:31pm-
Second alarm.
I opt out of being at work on time for better options readily available.

10:54am-
I'm standing in the train, doors are closed and I see a tall nerdy guy run excitedly up to the door just as the train pulls off.
Two guys standing in the train chuckle about it.
It was the guys face.
Expecting to make it in..??

1:54pm-
Stacy walks up to Matt...
"How would you say this name...?" (M-A-L-A-C-H-I)
"....MALACHI."
"Yeah... I called and said, 'can I speak to...... Mullickky...?'"

3:03pm - 3:07pm-
Somehow Stacy and I are walking around the studio wearing Mickey and Minnie Mouse ears.
They're for wardrobe things.
...We're testing them out.
A real adorable scene.

6:07pm-
Austins looking up the weather to see how much it's gonna snow.
"Why won't it tell me the accumulation....?"
"Maybe it's embarrassed."
"Hahaha.....! I hate you."

6:14pm-
Looking at pants to buy to buy for wardrobe stuff:
"These are called Carhart Duck Logger pants...."
"Duck logger.. Mmm.. Sounds like a beer.."
Yeah.. That be a good beer.."
"Gonna go out and get me a good Duck Logger."
"Well, be careful.. Cause it could be a name for anything else."

8:13pm-
I've seen a lot of performers in a subway car, from singers, all sorts of dancers, acrobats, musicians... But magician...? With doves and bunnies in hats???
That's a first for me.

2:46am-
I just woke up.
At about 9 I sat down in bed to watch a movie.
Apparently I've been drugged.

1/24/11

1/24/11
Listening to: Little Miss Sunshine Sountrack - "The Winner Is"

11:02am-
Matt comes into the studio in a good mood...
"I brought some hot chocolate and oatmeal.. It's in here if ya want some...!"

12:05pm-
I add some hot chocolate mix to my coffee.
Old trick.
Old trick.

12:29pm-
Mailman steps inside the office: "MAIL!"
"Wow.. That was abrasive.."

7:00pm-
Comparing actors.
Austin: "..but when it comes down to it, Johnny Depp will always win."
"But what about James Franco..?"
"Oh... Yes. James Franco...... He's just.. You just trust him. You just know, James Franco, you will never let me down."

7:10pm-
Talking about how Keanu Reeves is so boring.
There's a video of a cartoon him.
Neil walks past.
"See.. He's not even animated when he's animated."

7:58pm-
Austin and I go into the studio for a meeting.
I get phone service and get a text from Noreen:
"Do you think you'll be out by 8?"
It was from 7:17pm.
Buhhh... We were supposed to go see Blue Valentine tonight..

9:32pm-
Meeting finally over.

It was about ways to be professional. And that more interns were coming in and they want to make sure they know we work there and aren't interns.
And other business things.
Even though they mentioned things that we've messed up (Dickerson/UNICEF) it was mostly hopeful and encouraging.

12:31am-
"In my mind we got married. In my mind we had kids. In my mind we grew old and got sick of each other.
IN MY MIND WE HAD LOVE."
-Reverend Vince and the Love Choir

At Union Pool with Austin, Sean and Noreen.

2:33am-
Finally home.
It was a long journey.
Fell asleep in the train but woke up just at my stop.
Out as soon as I got to bed.

1/23/11

1/23/11

:::NO NOTES FOUND::::


I either lost them, or never made them, or something....
But nothing exciting happened.-
Slept till 2.
Finally got up to do laundry.
oh, I watched an old man play Galaga. He should have been a star captain from another era. He knew this game.
Went and got some pizza With Maria.

I guess nothing that memorable happened.

1/22/11

1/22/11
Listening to: Starf*cker - "Rawnald Gregory Erickson the Second"

12:28pm-
Getting dressed in the hall.
Gonna go sledding today!

Noreen and I meet Allye and Dan for brunch.

1:49pm-
"Yeah, the Gossip Girl guys are so... Good looking. They're too pretty. Not our type."
"That's why we like you guys."

2:27pm-
I like buying people brunch.
I like pretending I'm rich.

2:47pm-
Getting ready to go sledding..!!!
Listening to vanilla Ice, "GO NINJA! GO NINJA! GO!"
Allye to Dan (while trying to break dance in her little apartment): "ok. I'm gonna do two steps and then do a hand stand and throw my feet up and you have to catch em. Ready...."

3:11pm - 4:09pm-
Sledding!

-Snow!

-First time Noreen goes down the hill on her own: we yell "Watch out!! Watch outt!!" But they don't and she hits someones legs and knocks her off her feet...!
Classic.
We do our best to hide our laughter.

-Coold hands..

-Found a ramp some kids made. We all take turns and get in line!

-Snow.
Everywhere.

-Get tackled in the snow.
I knew this was gonna happen at some point..!

-Snow.
In my pants.
In my gloves.
In my hat.

7:14pm-
"Can't have your cake and eat it too."
I understand that now.
What a terribly depressing statement.

I once heard the question,
"would you rather be in love with someone, or have someone be in love with you?"
I never knew what the answer to that was.
But now I think.... who cares about someone loving you if you cant return that love..

7:32pm-
Made some egg rolls for shay and I.

7:51pm-
Made a pizza to split with shay.

8:31pm-
Shay and I are watching a movie with Elijah Wood.
He starts saying things Frodo would say.
"Oh no... I love this Jewelry...?!"
Hahaha!! We couldn't stop laughing!!

1/21/11

1/21/11
Listening to: Kings of Leon - "Sex On Fire"

11:11am-
Some mail came for Austin. Some medicine from his mom that he's been waiting in for days.
"Aaahhh.... Manna from heaven, Zane. Manna from heaven."

11:19am-
Stacy interviewed a new kid to intern.
Stacy: "Austin, write this message down for Matt for when he gets here...: interviewed Josh. Went well. -"
"This sounds like more of a phone call.. To your husband..."

11:36am - 11:39am-
Stacy and I talked about feet and different kinds of toenails while riding the train.
Disgusting? Bonding.

12:31pm-
At the original Macys riding some original escalators.

2:10pm-
"..and the mashed carrots were my favorite I guess and my mom always fed em to me and then tip of my nose turned orange."
"What..?!"
"That can happen, ya know.. You can turn orange. Or green..!"
"Yeah. I've heard that. ....I'd rather be orange."

5:06pm-
There's a slightly... off.. kid who comes to the studio now. He's very awkward and strange but apparently really intelligent.
Here is the situation involving him:
As it was, he had Austins phone. Said he was gonna hide it in the other room. Went around the corner where the conference table is. We heard a lot of rustling and noise. He came back.
"OK. I hid it. You'll neeeever find it. It's on the table, but you'll neever find it!!"
Stacy walks into the room: "Whats this, on the table???"
We look around the corner.
Theres a flat square object tightly wrapped in white packing tissue placed alone in the middle of the table.
He may have some kind of mental problem, but at least he's funny.

5:13pm-
Stacy gives Austin a pair of old scissors and a denim jacket to cut the sleeves off of.
He works for a little bit but cant get them to cut.
"Stacy... do you have something better than these dumb things?! a pair of preschool scissors..??? Maybe a plastic fork?? A rock?!"

7:14pm-
Leave the studio to go to the Wings Theatre to see Maria in a play.
I hope she's a good actress and it's not awkward............

The play was alright.
Noreen and I walked to a place to get a glass of wine and wait for Allye and her fiancé, Dan.
11:47pm-
Allye decided to go dancing. So after a shot of tequila, we head to a swing dancing place.

12:21am-
After another, better, more expensive glass of wine, we all watch the dancers and listen to the band and even dance a little bit.
Ive been working on building up my tolerance and i think its working so far.
We've all had the same thing and I'm completely uneffected and theyre all a bit... "dancy".

1:11am - 1:19am-
In a cab. Allye is upfront hanging out with the cab driver..
She turned the music up really loud and is dancing around and trying to get him to dance too. He's cracking up!!

1:34am-
Not a foot in the door.

1/20/11

1/20/11
Listening to: Tokyo Police Club - "Cheer It On"


11:22am-
Stacy and I are about to go shopping for wardrobe for the Onion shoots.
"I think my suit size is 36 or 34."
"probly 34.
......you're not at ALL manly..!"

5:56pm-
At a huge jewelry shop.
Stacy found something.
I said we shouldnt pay anymore than $20.
I asked how much it was.

"It's 25."
"20?"
"Umm..23 for you."
"20?"
"23."
"Eh, Nevermind."
We started leaving.
"Ok 20..! 20!! Here! 20!"

I almost feel bad.

6:14 pm-
At another jewlery store.
At the other end a man who works there says "you cant leave with that.."
A girl says "I dont got nothing of yours..!"
Another woman who works there heres the argument and runs and grabs the door closes it and holds it closed.
"LEGGOO. MY BAG!? I will FLIP THIS STORE!!"
For the next 6 or 7 minutes theres a flurry of yelling and screaming and people who work there rushing over and the girls friends outside the door banging on it and everyone threatening to call the cops on everyone else.
Quite the scene.

10:11pm-
In the train heading to Brooklyn.
There's someone with a giant lazy eye or something and I have to get my phone out and play games in order to stop looking...!?

11:34pm-
At Union Pool with Austin.
Met some guys filming stuff. New friends.
And a girl who's Jewish and kind of reminds me of Sarah Silverman.
Her and Austin are kiind of hitting it off.

1:29am-
"No, I'm not gay. And he's not either. But, I see him every day and it would be good to be SURE.. Can you help me make sure....?"

2:37pm-
"..well you're just really super handsome. And you have my number now.."
"no... I don't have your number..? How would I have your number???"
"I don't know.. It's like magic, I guess. You talk to someone for a while and they have you're number."
"Umm... Nope. Didn't happen. I don't."
"Well you should...."

1/19/11

1/19/11
Listening to: St. Vincent - "The Strangers"

12:36pm-
I've been here for over two hours and have done NOTHING productive.

1:31pm-
Matt finally arrives at the studio. I thought I was gonna be the only one to come in today.
Which might have been nice.

1:39pm-
Coffee and almond snickers. Great match.
(these are the types of things I would never want to read from someone. Sorry.)

5:01pm-
Stacy hands me a big stack of scripts.
"Here. Start by reading these."

5:44pm-
I start putting together the invoice for UNICEF..
He wanted a discount..
I take a deep breath and go ask Matt about what I should do..

8:02pm-
I get inside my building and when I start walking up the stairs I get really excited that I'm finally home!! It feels like Christmas eve! And I start running up the stairs...!

9:34pm-
People always call the studio and ask about Dogs in Pocketbooks, a film were making. I'm a production coordinator for this project so they send me all their resumes and other nonsense.
Now someone actually found me on facebook.
I don't wanna be their friend....??

9:56pm-
It's so early but I'm falling asleep while trying to read something on line..
This happened last night too...
Gonna take a quick nap..

1/18/11

1/18/11

6:31am-
3 hours of sleep was not enough. I'm already looking forward to a nap.

11:14am-
Let me go back and explain the travesty, the emotional scarring and fright that was this morning: (all times are estimated)

_ _ _ _ _ _

7:00am-
I arrived at the studio, John was there and waiting. We went into the studio to find that the camera we needed for the shoot was locked inside an office I didn't have a key for.

7:07am - 7:21am -
Using wires and cards and tiny screw drivers and letter openers, we tried and almost succeeded in picking the lock to get in the office.
But didn't.

7:25am -
Decided this wasn't working.
Starting banging the hinges out.

7:36am-
Got a call from Jason from UNICEF, we can't get into the building until 8 anyway. Whew. A little relief.
Still behind schedule.

7:41am - 7:48am -
Got into the office.
Searched thru bags to find the correct camera, batteries and memory cards.

8:11am-
Packed up and started leaving the building.

8:34am-
Sleeting and slushy, but I finally got a cab that would stop.

8:50am-
Finally arrived at the loading entrance for UNICEF. Late.
They want to start shooting at 9.

8:55am-
Jason slips on the sidewalk while were loading gear in.

9:24am-
Gear loaded and unpacked and set up in record time. Were ready to shoot.

9:29am-
The president arrives. Shes very calm and knows how to take stress.
Her assistant or whoever the woman making the commercial is very uptight in the worst way. And an obvious suck up to the president. It made me sick. We can all see you're just saying things to make her happy!?!

9:52am-
The present has a meeting and has to be done by ten.
She got done 8 minutes early.
Everyone was stressed out and all wound up for nothing.

10:30am-
Jason, the DP for this shoot, asks if he can "get a break" since we were late.
I said I'll talk to matt and see what we can do.
I dont wanna have to talk to Matt about this....
_ _ _ _ _ _ _

12:18pm-
Huddled by the 'fire' (electric heater) Austin is playing with a letter opener and it's reflection. He shines it in my eyes and when I look over he chuckles about it.

12:42pm-
Stacy stopped me mid-sentence while I was telling her something: "You have a weird speech pattern..."
Austin: "Stacy?! You are so mean..!?"
Me: "Wait, this is good to know. But what does that even mean??!?"
Stacy: "You pause! In places where there shouldnt be a pause..!!!"
Austin" "That's true. But Stacy, you're still just a horrid human being!!"

12:53pm-
Stacy after looking at the receipts: "YOU WERE AN HOUR LATE..?!"

I dont remember...
The rest of the day was spent quiet, scared and nervous.

And I made this.


9:34
Finally. Work over.
Heading to find a bar with Austin.

9:57pm-
Austin talking about the deli buffet food: "i feel sick.. It's all that garbage i had for lunch. It's terrible, I'm sure."
"What the deal with it..? It's like a bunch of random things and you just pile on what ever you want..?"
"Yeah. It's like several different countries all represented by a styrofoam plate."

10:16pm-
Austin tells me (cause i asked) about his parents.
Which is it... A bad father cause he has a troubled kid, or a troubled kid because of a bad father...?

10:41pm-
"I think I have a thing for young Goldie Hawn now.."
"Yeah? Well, thats healthy. Its good to have a few strange crushes."
"...yeah.."

11:05pm-
In the train:
"you know what I'm afraid of when I get home...?"
"What?"
"Twenty chicken nuggets."
"ooohh.. Yeah.. Actually, i wish I lived in harlem so I could get twenty nuggets too. For me its gonna be a sandwich from the deli. Plus chips and stuff."
"For me it's gonna be twenty nuggets. With BBQ sauce. In the shower."
"In the shower, huh?? You don't think they'll get wet?"
"Well I'll let you know."
"Yeah. Do that. Text me."

11:08pm-
Austin and I have a fun time.
Just in general.

"Courage doesn't always roar. 
Sometimes courage is the quiet voice 
at the end of the day saying,
"I will try again tomorrow."

-Mary Anne Radmacher

1/17/11

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
- Leo Buscaglia

1/17/11
Listening to: Tokyo Police Club - "Graves"

8:09am-
Matt calls to tell me there's going to be someone calling or texting about getting some gear really short notice.
"ok. I'll be prepared."
And back to sleep.

8:13am-
They call.

I can NOT express enough how much I do not want to get up and leave my nice, warm, cuddly place in bed and go to the studio.
"This is the LAST thing I wanna do right now!!"

At least it's my job and I'm doing something important.. ish..

12:34pm-
Go out for coffee.

It's so weird that I exist.. That I'm a person and I'm here.. That I have life and I'm responsible for everything I do..

Walking around the city always does this to me.

9:16pm - 9:45pm-
In the 5 train falling asleep. Also it's not moving. Something happened on 42nd st and all the trains are backed up. Maybe someone died....
I need to surface and take a bus or something.

10:31pm-
Finally off train. Got a call from who ever we renter the gear to this morning.
He was very appreciative of the help and said it was nice to find a good studio in the city and he was part of Magic Hat Studios and if we ever need anything from them to let em know.

10:38pm-
Aahh.. Hot tea and a little heater. And a little heater.

12:30am-
I step outside and there are gigantic snow flakes in a flurry over my head...!
The sidewalks are covered in a thin layer of white felt.
I'm going home to microwaved egg rolls.
It's gonna be a white Christmas after all.

1/16/11

1/16/11
Listening to: Greg Laswell - "Take Everything"

2:43pm-
Sometimes when I'm by myself walking through New York it hits me how strange it is that I live in New York..

4:55pm-
We sit down in the living room with coffee and music and Austin reads a little bit of Franny and Zooey aloud.

5:57pm-
We put on Halloween 4.
To pass the time.

6:35pm-
Making some egg rolls and taquitos for pre dinner.
It's been a lazy weekend.

6:42pm-
Austin walks into the kitchen. "Well this has been an adorable weekend."
"It has been, hasn't it."

8:01pm-
Austin leaves for what might be considered a date. We're not sure.

8:14pm-
While walking down the stairs to take the garbage out a foam dart bounces off my shoulder.
They got me.

-
"I Think this pomegranate tootsie pop is the funnest piece of candy I've ever eaten."

-
Chips, cookies, candy, tea.. So many things for only $7.

1/15/11

I don't believe an accident of birth makes people sisters or brothers. It makes them siblings, gives them mutuality of parentage. Sisterhood and brotherhood is a condition people have to work at.
-Maya Angelou

1/15/11
Listening to: Miike Snow - "Animal"

3:38pm-
Austin and are sitting in the window sill in (our own) blankets, drinking coffee.
What a scene.

3:43pm-
"that guy in the window over there..."
"yeah.. He looks like a mobster."
"Yeah. That's vinny. He's looking at us right now, huddled in the window sill with our white and pink blankets shaking his head with disapproval."
"Vinny does not think were tough."

11:44pm-
First time outside today.
I'm nauseous and one step away from throwing up. The cold air is good.

11:58pm-
Austin and I arrive at the place but stand outside for a minute to watch a quarrel between a few drunk guys and a 'bouncer'.

2:somethingam-
"I'm exhausted and probably gonna go to sleep. Just wanted to... Tell you now...."
"Hey. That's alright."
"Ok..!!"

1/14/11

1/14/11
Listening to: The Decemberists - The King is Dead


"Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing."
-Anais Nin


12:44pm-
Austin: "I'm not sure what happened. It was all really quick. Not the duration, the escalation."

12:56pm-
"You kind of look like Robin Hood right now."
-Me commenting on how Stacy was dressed.
"...or little John..."
-Austin mumbles under his breath.

2:31pm-
"Are we close...?"
"See that "SUBWAY" sign..? I think Subway is probly real close to that."
"....don't give me that sass, Zane."

3:04pm-
"I'm gonna sit in with you for a while, Stacy. I'm tired of the distance. I'm tired of being put on the back burner. I'm tired of being sh*t on."

4:31pm-
RED.
STAIRS.
STREET.
ELEVATOR.

oh, just printing labels to go on my new keys to the studio...!

5:30pm-
Text:
......................................................................................................................................................................................................................Is this wrong by you.
Yes or no.

5:32pm-
"I can't answer."

8:30pm-
It was like picking out Christmas presents. That I could eat.
Grabbing anything that looked good.
It felt like I was stealing.
To good to be true...
-Grocery shopping with shays 'money'.

10:35pm-
"What'd you get from Mcdonalds?"
"You know what..... I don't think that's any of your business."
"You got twenty chicken nuggets didn't you....!"
"maybe I did, Zane... Maybe I did...!!?"

12:54am-
"Zane, these bags of chips and popcorn have got to get off my lap. Immediately."

12:32am - 3:58am-
Talking to Collin.
Asking him how HE feels about the whole situation.. I trust him. His whole family.
He's not gonna tell me what I want to hear. But what I maybe need to hear.
It's good to have a friend you can trust like that.

1/13/11

1/13/11
Listening to: The Strokes - "Razorblade"

9:54am-
A woman really groans and makes a big deal when she has to move her purse so I can fit better on the bench in the subway.
Geetttt ooovveerr itt.....

10:45am-
Austin notices he has a lot of comments from people on facebook:
"Oh thank you Lord, for this bounty."

10:49am-
Austin: "Man, I am all over facebook today...?! I'm like on facebook coke..!?"

12:21pm-
Stacy tells me I'm hired as her wardrobe assistant for an Onion shoot she's doing in the near future.
"$100 a day. 4 or 5 days of work. But you'll be doing more than what you're getting paid for."
fine with me.

12:49pm-
I dug paper out of a jammed printer for Stacy.
"You're such a good wardrobe assistant..!"

3:30pm-
Stacy: "ZANE....!!" (yelled from the other room.) "CHECK YOUR EMAIL.."
Got my first rental deal that I'll be handling!

4:41pm-
I get invited into the office to be told about the dark side of the business.
I knew there was one.

9:48pm-
Austin and I are about to walk out of the house.
"You've gotta be kidding me....."
"what..????"
"Were dressed the same!?"
Dark green pants, scarves, pea coats.
"you've gotta be kidding me."

11:13pm-
"Are you dipping your grilled cheese in the ketchup....?"
"I might be, Zane!? I might be!?!"

11:23pm-
Maria called.
She just got home from rehearsal.
She lives right around the corner from where we are!

12:26am-
Nolen and Maria are talking and Austin and I are making faces across the bar and cracking up...!!
Children.

1:10am-
Whispers: *be polite...! walk her home..!?*

3:15am-
Home.
Austin:
"here. Make sure my alarm is set right...."
He doesn't trust himself.
I wouldn't either.

3:19am-
Nolen and Austin are watching the sopranos in the living room.
Im going to bed.
"I love both of you guys!! Goodnight!"
Yelled from my room.

1/12/11

1/12/11
Listening to: Frightened Rabbit - "Good Arms vs Bad Arms"

12:04pm-
Text from Matt:
"im going to just work from home today, my doctors apt ran late I will be in early tomorrow though at 10."

Perfect.

1:58pm-
The sun reflects off a window and shines bright, right onto me where I'm sleeping.
It's time to get up.

5:04pm-
In the subway with Austin.
Me: "when I'm on a subway platform I usually walk down until I find a group of attractive people and get in that car."
"I do the same thing. Ya know, in case you get jammed up against em, you don't wanna be next to some fat, sweaty guy."
"Exactly."

5:11pm-
The train is pulling up. I turn and say, "ok, find a --" Austin has already starting walking towards a blonde girl.

6:02pm-
At my house I play a soundtrack idea on my guitar. Austin digs around and finds some loose chains and eerily rattles them along.
"chains are always a little disturbing."

6:16pm-
We decide Austins gonna stay In shays room while shays outta town.
We begin rearranging/cleaning.

8:01pm-
Finally seeing True Grit.
And for free!

10:41pm-
...she took my fries away...!?

2:09am-
After snacking on fries and nuggets, watching Tales from the Crypt Keeper and then the Sopranos, Austin, Maria and I finally give up and go to sleep.

1/11/11

1/11/11
Listening to: Bad Company - "Feel Like Making Love"

12:12pm-
Stacy: "Have fun at the wedding? My dad and priest loved you!! My dad was like, 'who's the little guy who's dancing like this..!' and my priest was cracking up the whole time!"
"haha!! Oh no.... But yeah! I had a great time! Glad they enjoyed that."
"And my mom saw you hitting on her sisters daughter....."
"Oh, puhlease... I was hitting on everyone."

12:47pm-
Hot tea. To nauseous for coffee..

3:02pm-
Austin and I trying to draw a storyboard-
Austin: "How do you draw a hand...???
Cant I just write it down..? This is stupid!?"

"Here.. Let me draw it... Let's see...
And a shower curtain............?

THIS IS STUPID!?"

Were just gonna write it down.

4:07pm-
Me: "Well, it'll also very muchly depends on where we CAN be. Given the space, ya know."
"I agree, but, no. I mostly just don't agree with the word 'muchly'. Because it isn't one."

5:27pm-
Austin: "What are you doing? You need some help?
Pleeaase can I help you."
-Boredom.

6:16pm-
"haahahaha..... Oohhh.... Yoou look just like that damn lion...!!!?"
-Austin after seeing this picture of me.


6:51pm-
Some guys in an office in our studio talking seriously about life issues:
"...and it's as soon as you put that ring on her finger it seems like.... Like you know in Star Wars when Han Solo...."

Those people really do exist.

12:27am-
Austin: "Caleb, in case you were wondering, we've been making a snowman."

12:39am-
We gave our snowman eyes and a smile made of matches.
Then lit them.
"

12:50am-
Looks like were gonna have to make a snowman.
Looks like it's gonna be on the roof.

1:07-1:28am-
"ok, I'll get started on the body."

"this isn't sticking...."

"I hate this!"
"I am not having fun."
"My face hurts!"
"My hands are on fire....!

1/10/11

1/10/11
Listening to: Paul McCartney - "A Certain Softness"


2:11pm-
Left the studio early. (matt and Stacy weren't there.)
Going home to clean the house now that shays gone.

4:30pm-
Bathroom done and my room is looking good.
But I'm starting to feel nauseous... It's either the thought of the living room or that I've been out so late every night this year..

6:16pm-
A guy jumped over the side of the rail and off the ledge bypassing all the slow people in the way and catching the train to Brooklyn.
Impressive.

6:26pm-
A guy gave me a free movie ticket for tomorrow night. A screening.
Then he stood really close and tried to have a conversation.
Just saying it was awkward.

9:47pm-
"You're gonna cheers me and then not take a sip...??? That's like pissing in my mouth, Zane. Are you pissing in my mouth...?!!??"

11:16pm-
"I though you were a creep standing by the bathrooms, but now I see you're just a man, a man who needs to pee pee."
-complete stranger

11:38pm-
Rev. Vince and the choir of love is happening right now.
There was a lot of build up to this, and they're definitely living up to it.
This guy is maybe a preacher. Singing songs about Jesus and tricking all the drunk kids into singing along! Haha!!

3:30am-
A crazy old man sitting across from me in the subway is eating some sunchips and drinking a yoohoo...
He picks up a kfc cup rolling around on the floor and pours the drink in to it- missing a lot and pouring it onto his lap.
Then picks up his chips and politely offers some to the surrounding subway people, "would you like some fritos? Fritos for you?"
....I wanna cry.

1/9/11

1/9/11
Listening to: Freelance Whales - "hannah"

6:04pm-
At Alices Tea Cup with Noreen and a pot of chocolate chia tea.

8:41pm-
"You can hang your coat up here.."
*CRAASH!!*
"Whaat did you do..!?"
"DON'T TELL ALLYE..!!"

9:58pm-
Allye made me some sipping chocolate. "I'm so glad I met you and you're my friends now."

The movie didn't work.
So nevermind.

That's enough.

Goodnight.

1/8/11

1/8/11
Listening to: Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros - "home"
(CLICK THIS LINK!)

11:56am-
Austin calls to ask if I have a needle and thread and know how to sew suspender buttons onto pants.


-- Matt and Stacys wedding is today. They asked me to film the walking down the isle and cutting the cake and stuff.


1:06pm-
Got to Austins so we could head to the wedding.
He was wearing black pants, suspenders, a blue button up shirt and black tie. Like I was.

1:56pm-
Neil: "Good to see you! Man, that beard is.. coming in hard!"

4:28pm-
While the rest of the wedding group was taking pictures, Austin and I went looking for a quick bite and accidentally sat down at a really fancy, expensive, Italian restaurant. We would have felt bad about just walking out, so we stayed.
It had a good atmosphere and would have been a great date if there was a girl involved.
"date practice" we decided.
"don't tell Stacy" we also decided.

10:12pm-
I knew I could dance.
Shay would be proud.
John Travolta too.

10:24pm-
"ok...." I said to the four girls around me, "I need your help to make me look good...!!"
It worked. They did.
"ok. Matt and Stacy saw. Thats all. Thank you!"

10:31pm-
Twist and shout came on.
Some really old ladies started dancing in a hallway.

10:34pm-
"Form a circle around him!! Zane... This is your moment! This is all you!"
-Matt

1/7/11

1/7/11
Music: Florence and the Machine - "Kiss with a Fist"

Woke up at 1:41pm-
"im sorry, Rehearsal ran long.. Can I call you tonight after work?"

Went back to sleep.

6:34pm-
I have slept. All. Day.

12:17am-
"you smell like bacon...."
-Girl to Austin

1:34am-
On the way home a man stopped Sherrie and I on the subway platform to tell Sherrie how beautiful she was. And then proceeded to sing a song about her.
It was pretty good.

1:36am-
In the train he started singing another funny song. Things like:
"if that young man isn't you're boyfriend, my number is...."
Sang "ever had a six foot black man." stopped singing and said "she's like 'hell NO I haven't!' haha!"
Then kept singing "you know what they say, once you go black, you won't go back..! And once you go white....." Stopped singing and said "see, you thought I left you brothers out."
Continued singing: "once you go white.... you won't ever have bad credit..!"

3:54am-
Said goodnight to Sherrie for the last time.
Just made myself a giant plate of fries and tater tots. Sitting down to watch It's Always Sunny.

1/6/11

I was talking intently with someone the other day and after explaining why people act a certain way because of how and what they think other people think of them, she stopped me and asked "are you always so analytical??"
That caught me off guard.

Noun 1. analytic thinking - the abstract separation of a whole into its constituent parts in order to study the parts and their relations.

I had no idea.


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -----------------------


1/6/11
Music: FUN - "Be Calm"

4:18pm-
Matt tells us that weird things have been happening. He went and got baptized the other day "and while the guy was standing there saying the prayer, i swear it felt like someone was holding my calves. Pulling me towards the ground. It hurt. And afterward it was like.. i felt lighter.

5:30pm-
Stacy telling Austin and i what kind of girls we're attracted to:
"Austin likes very angular faces; sharp chin and jaw. Zane like girls who look like cherubs."

10:35pm-
At an expensive Mexican place in SoHo. You can tell its "fancy" when there's only 12 things on the menu and the cheapest one is $24.
"My new years resolution was to 'make friends'. It's only been 5 days and look where I am!"

2:18am-
Hot. Cold. Hot. And then all the bumps and stopping and going....
Sometimes taxis make me nauseous.

3:04am-
On the way home i gave a homeless man a dollar. Sometimes you just feel like being nice..!

1/5/11

1/5/11
Listening to: "Flightless Bird" - Iron and Wine



1:37pm-
Text from Austin:
"hey buddy, i dont think anyone is going to the studio today."
"good. im so happy about that."
"me too."

3:18pm-
The four of us (me, Shay, Sherrie, Jasmin) arrive at Allye's apartment.
[She's an old friend from Texas who was in the TJC nutcracker with us about 10 years ago. Shay just happened to run into her in the subway not to long ago.]
I have bags under my eyes.
Shes making coffee.

4:16pm-
Allye's roommate comes home for a minute.
Allye- "...sometimes I hide from my roommate around the apartment."

4:40pm-
"whooops!!"
*CRASH!!*
We look over and Allye's roommate, Noreen, isnt sitting at the table anymore...
She just.. fell over...?

4:49pm-
Noreen looks up at Allye's conversation:
"are you talking about the half cupcake idea??"

5:58pm-
Noreen is looking for her keys.
Allye yells "did you guys just see that!!?! She pulled her keys outta the fridge!!?"

6:06pm-
"..and this is my gingerbred house. I put christmas lights inside so when you turn em on it looks like someone's home"
-Allye

7:14pm-
"I'll come home and see the tv on and a glass of wine on the table still sloshing back and forth.. thats how i know shes somewhere around here. Hiding."
-Noreen

11:23pm-
Jasmin: "Cherry..?! uh.. i wish MY name was a fruit."

The 8 of us are back at Allye's house. at
3:11am-
we had started four movies before putting on American Beauty and leaving it.

4:50am-
Austin to me: "Oh, man.. do NOT look at the time. How can we get out of going to the studio tomorrow..."

5:10am-
Me to Austin: "You staying at my house really changes our level of friendship. Just dont tell Stacy."

5:34am-
Austin sits down on the couch next to me and hands me half his bagel.
"YOU GUYS MATCH!!"
I lent him a pair of scrubs to sleep in and looked over to see we were also both wearing a green t shirt.
"Damn. Dont tell Stacy."

1/4/11

1/4/11
listening to: Sam Sparro

9:30am-
Alarm.
I'm playing that '10 more minutes' game. That game where you pretend 10 more minutes of sleep is gonna be helpful is some way but really you know if you're just playing it you've already lost.

11:28am-
Talking with Austin about yet another short film idea.
A 'the man who loved flowers' triggered idea.

1:41pm-
Currently sitting in an audio booth talking out the "Never Gonna Give You Up' lyrics. Learning how to do Voice Over recordings.

7:41pm-
Shay thought since no one was gonna be home it would be a good idea to just not lock the door to our apartment.
In New York city.
In Spanish Harlem.
Buh...?!

7:54pm-
Came home and noticed the apartment was noticeably cleaner...!

9:02pm-
"sorry, Jasmin, that it's so messy here. But, you should have seen it yesterday....!"
-Shay, bringing Sherrie and Jasmin home.

11 something..?-
Shay left to go take care of some loose ends....

1:21am-
"here... Know what Jolly Ranchers are...!?"
-Zane (a joke)
"Yes. I know what they are. ....I've just never had one.." -Jasmin (being serious)
"WHHAAATT!??!!"

2:40am-
Roof break. To dark for pictures..

3:01am-
"Hello."
"Hey, can you come down and pay for my cab.."
"Yeah. Just a sec."

5:44am-
"shay... can you write something down for me..?
k.. write 'austins giant script'.... and 'peephole bullseye'. thanks. gdnight.."

6:38am-
I woke up to a quiet television and a flickering candle with vivid memories of brutal dreams...

(((we were all at my texas house (but not our real house) having some kind of party. the duprees and friends of the family were all there.
i was wearing my hunting cap.
i fell asleep and was sleep walking and when i woke up i told my mom and weston what had happened and why i ended up in the shed:

(((the party was going on outside too and i walked out the backdoor and met a redheaded girl, dressed very conservatively and goody-two-shoes like. her grandma was standing near by, so i said something pleasant that the grandma would over hear. she wanted to go to a room but i said it'd be more fun if we we stayed close to the party. more... risky. we snuck off to a shed- dark and dusty but still somewhat attached to the party.
i lifted her up on a chair in the shed.
she was wearing a green skirt.
i knew it was a dream.))))

I woke up standing alone in the corner of the shed. and i wasnt confused as to WHY i was there. just how.

i was feeling weird and confused at this party.

a few more people came over - tiffany was one of them. i went right to her cause i was feeling strange and almost kissed her. but i stopped because jessie and weston and other people were around.

weird things were happening at this big party with a lot of my parents friends.

(((some group of people were trying to attack another group of people. we were harboring the latter.
one of the guys tried to attack me for not letting him into a room. i ran outside. he chased me and tried to hit me. i blocked and knocked him down.
i bent down and grabbed his head and just as i went to slam it into the sidewalk it changed into an empty bottle of grape juice.
i slammed it anyway.
bending it in my hand as i crushed it against the ground several times.
i finally stopped and dropped it and licked a little drop of grape juice that had splashed on my hand.
i felt bad.
sorry for what i did.)))

i woke up knowing it was all just a dream, but noticed that my mouth tasted like grape juice..)))

woke up. for real this time.
the candle is flickering.
my eyes burn.
Shay and Jasmin are talking in the other room.

1/3/11

1/3/11
Reading: Touching the Void -
Listening to : "When I'm Alone" by The Rifles (Pandora)

10:31am-
I like that I can wake up late to a text that my boss woke up late.
Convenient.

12:41pm-
"have a good day.
Be amazing."
Somehow encouraging.

2:13pm-
I'm really working on having a good handle on my time.
And time is such a hard thing to control. But it's going well. I feel like I'm doing alright so far.

7:17pm-
Heading home. Just realized I don't have keys to my apartment..

10:26pm-
Forgot Sherrie was only 20.
And not good at sneaking.

12:08am-
Austin directing Seans pose-
"More 'Jack Nickleson'... Ok.. Less."

1:41am-
Talking to lame people for so long really makes me miss my not lame friends.

2:29am-
Maybe a word of insight should be here at the bottom of each entry. Or somewhere... Or maybe just be recorded like everything else at the time that i think it..
I don't have time to find great quotes anymore, but sometimes I feel like there's more to be said about a day then the clips I've recorded..
So I can know that at 2:30 I was greatly appreciating the friends I have, and realizing, for real, how important being able to talk to a person is.
To be able to stand, and even ENJOY, their conversation.
A pretty face doesn't do much good when you're so bored you can barely keep you're eyes open.

3:27am-
I hope she doesn't take it the wrong way, but I mostly just want to sleep in my own bed....

1/2/11

1/2/11


12:24pm-
Matt (my boss at the studio) texts to say I can come in to get a head start on next week..
Mixed feelings.

1:42pm-
Back in the subway.
Ahh, New York.

5:46pm-
Austin and I talk at the studio about doing something tonight. Making friends is a new goal for both of us. I said I know a guy for that- so hopefully Shay can come out with us.

8:31pm-
Stop for eggs on the way to Austins house.
Egg sandwhich sounds so good right now...

12:24am-
At some place in Brooklyn 'making friends'.
Shay and Austin seem to be getting along really well. So that's good.
Almost tooo good....

1:41am-
Snack break/regroup back at Austins house. Plan phase two.

2:46am-
Austin- "...and you know, we just won't look. We can look a little.."

4:31am-
In for the night, we talk and laugh about everyone we met:
-Danger Zone-
(because she looked dangerous. Leather jacket and bad attitude.)
-Kathleen O'Hara
(because she looked like Kathleen O'Hara, the mom from home alone.) (how shay knew that name I have no idea.)
-The California Girls
(A group of obviously not intelligent people.)
-Jenny
-Tall Hat Girl
(Jennys friend.)

4:41am-
Austin almost slips when he bends down to dig thru his fridge.
He notices that I saw him.
That's his second time of showing signs of being... "sloppy".

1/1/11 The Beginning of a New Year

1/1/11


12:04pm-
Woke up.
I'm fully dressed in a bed with two other people in the Chelsea Hotel...




_____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____




"OK, Zane.
Its been a while since we've heard from you. Weve missed out on a couple of very full and somewhat exciting months.
You've finished your internship at that film studio and now you work there.
You've filmed a suicide scene that you and Austin wrote.
You've been hired for several film shoots including music videos, commercials, interviews and short films. You were even the assistant director for one i heard??? Learned a lot about scheduling and budgeting and what needs to happen on a set, i bet.
You had a good thanksgiving in New York, and a two week Christmas break in Texas, but now you're back in the city and a new year is starting.
Now what...?"

"Now I start the new year.
I've made some.. not 'New years resolutions' because those never last. More like, new life resolutions. That will start this year. Not because i need help keeping busy, i've been plenty busy. But to keep my brain moving. Someone said "your brain is a muscle, you know.. and just like other muscles if you dont use it and work it, it will shrivel and get weak."
I've known this.. but when it was said so plainly it really stuck.
So I've given myself some tasks that are solely to build brain strength by keeping it active:
- Restart my Minute Journal. [check]
- Read 1-2 books a month.
- Listen to two new bands/artists a month. (New music will be provided by Collin.)
- Keep up with NEW movies coming out and catch up on old classics i've never seen.
- Learn French.
- Make it a point to make FRIENDS. [FRIENDS - people i enjoy hanging out with for no ulterior reasons or purposes.]

It's kind of a lot. But I think its possible. Ya know, after a few months of practice anyway."

"I think its definitely possible. When do we start?"

"NOW!"

"Alright! Anything we need to know before we just jump into your life...?"



_____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____


At about 8:30 last night i got home from the airport, dragged my luggage up the stairs and knocked on the door expecting Shay to let me in.
A girl opened the door. Sherrie. Apparently she's from Atlanta and staying with us for 9 days to dance at some dance thing.
We were good friends within 4 hours.



1/1/11
Listening to: Kashmir - The Good Life
Reading: Touching the Void

“Every man should be born again on the first day of January. Start with a fresh page. Take up one hole more in the buckle if necessary, or let down one, according to circumstances; but on the first of January let every man gird himself once more, with his face to the front, and take no interest in the things that were and are past.”
-Henry Ward Beecher



3:34pm-
Sherrie and I came with Shay to his Nutcracker cast party.
Lounging in a huge apartment eating Thanksgiving food. And very thankful for it. We were very starving as if we didnt just gorge ourselves no more then 8 hours ago.

10:19pm-
Austin called to welcome me back to the city and say he's genuinely missed me.
Ok. I have one friend here.

10:51pm- Feels like 3 in the morning-
Sitting here in my living room with soft music and a candle burning trying to remember how to work this minute journal thing...