1/14/11

1/14/11
Listening to: The Decemberists - The King is Dead


"Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing."
-Anais Nin


12:44pm-
Austin: "I'm not sure what happened. It was all really quick. Not the duration, the escalation."

12:56pm-
"You kind of look like Robin Hood right now."
-Me commenting on how Stacy was dressed.
"...or little John..."
-Austin mumbles under his breath.

2:31pm-
"Are we close...?"
"See that "SUBWAY" sign..? I think Subway is probly real close to that."
"....don't give me that sass, Zane."

3:04pm-
"I'm gonna sit in with you for a while, Stacy. I'm tired of the distance. I'm tired of being put on the back burner. I'm tired of being sh*t on."

4:31pm-
RED.
STAIRS.
STREET.
ELEVATOR.

oh, just printing labels to go on my new keys to the studio...!

5:30pm-
Text:
......................................................................................................................................................................................................................Is this wrong by you.
Yes or no.

5:32pm-
"I can't answer."

8:30pm-
It was like picking out Christmas presents. That I could eat.
Grabbing anything that looked good.
It felt like I was stealing.
To good to be true...
-Grocery shopping with shays 'money'.

10:35pm-
"What'd you get from Mcdonalds?"
"You know what..... I don't think that's any of your business."
"You got twenty chicken nuggets didn't you....!"
"maybe I did, Zane... Maybe I did...!!?"

12:54am-
"Zane, these bags of chips and popcorn have got to get off my lap. Immediately."

12:32am - 3:58am-
Talking to Collin.
Asking him how HE feels about the whole situation.. I trust him. His whole family.
He's not gonna tell me what I want to hear. But what I maybe need to hear.
It's good to have a friend you can trust like that.

1/13/11

1/13/11
Listening to: The Strokes - "Razorblade"

9:54am-
A woman really groans and makes a big deal when she has to move her purse so I can fit better on the bench in the subway.
Geetttt ooovveerr itt.....

10:45am-
Austin notices he has a lot of comments from people on facebook:
"Oh thank you Lord, for this bounty."

10:49am-
Austin: "Man, I am all over facebook today...?! I'm like on facebook coke..!?"

12:21pm-
Stacy tells me I'm hired as her wardrobe assistant for an Onion shoot she's doing in the near future.
"$100 a day. 4 or 5 days of work. But you'll be doing more than what you're getting paid for."
fine with me.

12:49pm-
I dug paper out of a jammed printer for Stacy.
"You're such a good wardrobe assistant..!"

3:30pm-
Stacy: "ZANE....!!" (yelled from the other room.) "CHECK YOUR EMAIL.."
Got my first rental deal that I'll be handling!

4:41pm-
I get invited into the office to be told about the dark side of the business.
I knew there was one.

9:48pm-
Austin and I are about to walk out of the house.
"You've gotta be kidding me....."
"what..????"
"Were dressed the same!?"
Dark green pants, scarves, pea coats.
"you've gotta be kidding me."

11:13pm-
"Are you dipping your grilled cheese in the ketchup....?"
"I might be, Zane!? I might be!?!"

11:23pm-
Maria called.
She just got home from rehearsal.
She lives right around the corner from where we are!

12:26am-
Nolen and Maria are talking and Austin and I are making faces across the bar and cracking up...!!
Children.

1:10am-
Whispers: *be polite...! walk her home..!?*

3:15am-
Home.
Austin:
"here. Make sure my alarm is set right...."
He doesn't trust himself.
I wouldn't either.

3:19am-
Nolen and Austin are watching the sopranos in the living room.
Im going to bed.
"I love both of you guys!! Goodnight!"
Yelled from my room.

1/12/11

1/12/11
Listening to: Frightened Rabbit - "Good Arms vs Bad Arms"

12:04pm-
Text from Matt:
"im going to just work from home today, my doctors apt ran late I will be in early tomorrow though at 10."

Perfect.

1:58pm-
The sun reflects off a window and shines bright, right onto me where I'm sleeping.
It's time to get up.

5:04pm-
In the subway with Austin.
Me: "when I'm on a subway platform I usually walk down until I find a group of attractive people and get in that car."
"I do the same thing. Ya know, in case you get jammed up against em, you don't wanna be next to some fat, sweaty guy."
"Exactly."

5:11pm-
The train is pulling up. I turn and say, "ok, find a --" Austin has already starting walking towards a blonde girl.

6:02pm-
At my house I play a soundtrack idea on my guitar. Austin digs around and finds some loose chains and eerily rattles them along.
"chains are always a little disturbing."

6:16pm-
We decide Austins gonna stay In shays room while shays outta town.
We begin rearranging/cleaning.

8:01pm-
Finally seeing True Grit.
And for free!

10:41pm-
...she took my fries away...!?

2:09am-
After snacking on fries and nuggets, watching Tales from the Crypt Keeper and then the Sopranos, Austin, Maria and I finally give up and go to sleep.

1/11/11

1/11/11
Listening to: Bad Company - "Feel Like Making Love"

12:12pm-
Stacy: "Have fun at the wedding? My dad and priest loved you!! My dad was like, 'who's the little guy who's dancing like this..!' and my priest was cracking up the whole time!"
"haha!! Oh no.... But yeah! I had a great time! Glad they enjoyed that."
"And my mom saw you hitting on her sisters daughter....."
"Oh, puhlease... I was hitting on everyone."

12:47pm-
Hot tea. To nauseous for coffee..

3:02pm-
Austin and I trying to draw a storyboard-
Austin: "How do you draw a hand...???
Cant I just write it down..? This is stupid!?"

"Here.. Let me draw it... Let's see...
And a shower curtain............?

THIS IS STUPID!?"

Were just gonna write it down.

4:07pm-
Me: "Well, it'll also very muchly depends on where we CAN be. Given the space, ya know."
"I agree, but, no. I mostly just don't agree with the word 'muchly'. Because it isn't one."

5:27pm-
Austin: "What are you doing? You need some help?
Pleeaase can I help you."
-Boredom.

6:16pm-
"haahahaha..... Oohhh.... Yoou look just like that damn lion...!!!?"
-Austin after seeing this picture of me.


6:51pm-
Some guys in an office in our studio talking seriously about life issues:
"...and it's as soon as you put that ring on her finger it seems like.... Like you know in Star Wars when Han Solo...."

Those people really do exist.

12:27am-
Austin: "Caleb, in case you were wondering, we've been making a snowman."

12:39am-
We gave our snowman eyes and a smile made of matches.
Then lit them.
"

12:50am-
Looks like were gonna have to make a snowman.
Looks like it's gonna be on the roof.

1:07-1:28am-
"ok, I'll get started on the body."

"this isn't sticking...."

"I hate this!"
"I am not having fun."
"My face hurts!"
"My hands are on fire....!

1/10/11

1/10/11
Listening to: Paul McCartney - "A Certain Softness"


2:11pm-
Left the studio early. (matt and Stacy weren't there.)
Going home to clean the house now that shays gone.

4:30pm-
Bathroom done and my room is looking good.
But I'm starting to feel nauseous... It's either the thought of the living room or that I've been out so late every night this year..

6:16pm-
A guy jumped over the side of the rail and off the ledge bypassing all the slow people in the way and catching the train to Brooklyn.
Impressive.

6:26pm-
A guy gave me a free movie ticket for tomorrow night. A screening.
Then he stood really close and tried to have a conversation.
Just saying it was awkward.

9:47pm-
"You're gonna cheers me and then not take a sip...??? That's like pissing in my mouth, Zane. Are you pissing in my mouth...?!!??"

11:16pm-
"I though you were a creep standing by the bathrooms, but now I see you're just a man, a man who needs to pee pee."
-complete stranger

11:38pm-
Rev. Vince and the choir of love is happening right now.
There was a lot of build up to this, and they're definitely living up to it.
This guy is maybe a preacher. Singing songs about Jesus and tricking all the drunk kids into singing along! Haha!!

3:30am-
A crazy old man sitting across from me in the subway is eating some sunchips and drinking a yoohoo...
He picks up a kfc cup rolling around on the floor and pours the drink in to it- missing a lot and pouring it onto his lap.
Then picks up his chips and politely offers some to the surrounding subway people, "would you like some fritos? Fritos for you?"
....I wanna cry.

1/9/11

1/9/11
Listening to: Freelance Whales - "hannah"

6:04pm-
At Alices Tea Cup with Noreen and a pot of chocolate chia tea.

8:41pm-
"You can hang your coat up here.."
*CRAASH!!*
"Whaat did you do..!?"
"DON'T TELL ALLYE..!!"

9:58pm-
Allye made me some sipping chocolate. "I'm so glad I met you and you're my friends now."

The movie didn't work.
So nevermind.

That's enough.

Goodnight.

1/8/11

1/8/11
Listening to: Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros - "home"
(CLICK THIS LINK!)

11:56am-
Austin calls to ask if I have a needle and thread and know how to sew suspender buttons onto pants.


-- Matt and Stacys wedding is today. They asked me to film the walking down the isle and cutting the cake and stuff.


1:06pm-
Got to Austins so we could head to the wedding.
He was wearing black pants, suspenders, a blue button up shirt and black tie. Like I was.

1:56pm-
Neil: "Good to see you! Man, that beard is.. coming in hard!"

4:28pm-
While the rest of the wedding group was taking pictures, Austin and I went looking for a quick bite and accidentally sat down at a really fancy, expensive, Italian restaurant. We would have felt bad about just walking out, so we stayed.
It had a good atmosphere and would have been a great date if there was a girl involved.
"date practice" we decided.
"don't tell Stacy" we also decided.

10:12pm-
I knew I could dance.
Shay would be proud.
John Travolta too.

10:24pm-
"ok...." I said to the four girls around me, "I need your help to make me look good...!!"
It worked. They did.
"ok. Matt and Stacy saw. Thats all. Thank you!"

10:31pm-
Twist and shout came on.
Some really old ladies started dancing in a hallway.

10:34pm-
"Form a circle around him!! Zane... This is your moment! This is all you!"
-Matt

1/7/11

1/7/11
Music: Florence and the Machine - "Kiss with a Fist"

Woke up at 1:41pm-
"im sorry, Rehearsal ran long.. Can I call you tonight after work?"

Went back to sleep.

6:34pm-
I have slept. All. Day.

12:17am-
"you smell like bacon...."
-Girl to Austin

1:34am-
On the way home a man stopped Sherrie and I on the subway platform to tell Sherrie how beautiful she was. And then proceeded to sing a song about her.
It was pretty good.

1:36am-
In the train he started singing another funny song. Things like:
"if that young man isn't you're boyfriend, my number is...."
Sang "ever had a six foot black man." stopped singing and said "she's like 'hell NO I haven't!' haha!"
Then kept singing "you know what they say, once you go black, you won't go back..! And once you go white....." Stopped singing and said "see, you thought I left you brothers out."
Continued singing: "once you go white.... you won't ever have bad credit..!"

3:54am-
Said goodnight to Sherrie for the last time.
Just made myself a giant plate of fries and tater tots. Sitting down to watch It's Always Sunny.

1/6/11

I was talking intently with someone the other day and after explaining why people act a certain way because of how and what they think other people think of them, she stopped me and asked "are you always so analytical??"
That caught me off guard.

Noun 1. analytic thinking - the abstract separation of a whole into its constituent parts in order to study the parts and their relations.

I had no idea.


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -----------------------


1/6/11
Music: FUN - "Be Calm"

4:18pm-
Matt tells us that weird things have been happening. He went and got baptized the other day "and while the guy was standing there saying the prayer, i swear it felt like someone was holding my calves. Pulling me towards the ground. It hurt. And afterward it was like.. i felt lighter.

5:30pm-
Stacy telling Austin and i what kind of girls we're attracted to:
"Austin likes very angular faces; sharp chin and jaw. Zane like girls who look like cherubs."

10:35pm-
At an expensive Mexican place in SoHo. You can tell its "fancy" when there's only 12 things on the menu and the cheapest one is $24.
"My new years resolution was to 'make friends'. It's only been 5 days and look where I am!"

2:18am-
Hot. Cold. Hot. And then all the bumps and stopping and going....
Sometimes taxis make me nauseous.

3:04am-
On the way home i gave a homeless man a dollar. Sometimes you just feel like being nice..!

1/5/11

1/5/11
Listening to: "Flightless Bird" - Iron and Wine



1:37pm-
Text from Austin:
"hey buddy, i dont think anyone is going to the studio today."
"good. im so happy about that."
"me too."

3:18pm-
The four of us (me, Shay, Sherrie, Jasmin) arrive at Allye's apartment.
[She's an old friend from Texas who was in the TJC nutcracker with us about 10 years ago. Shay just happened to run into her in the subway not to long ago.]
I have bags under my eyes.
Shes making coffee.

4:16pm-
Allye's roommate comes home for a minute.
Allye- "...sometimes I hide from my roommate around the apartment."

4:40pm-
"whooops!!"
*CRASH!!*
We look over and Allye's roommate, Noreen, isnt sitting at the table anymore...
She just.. fell over...?

4:49pm-
Noreen looks up at Allye's conversation:
"are you talking about the half cupcake idea??"

5:58pm-
Noreen is looking for her keys.
Allye yells "did you guys just see that!!?! She pulled her keys outta the fridge!!?"

6:06pm-
"..and this is my gingerbred house. I put christmas lights inside so when you turn em on it looks like someone's home"
-Allye

7:14pm-
"I'll come home and see the tv on and a glass of wine on the table still sloshing back and forth.. thats how i know shes somewhere around here. Hiding."
-Noreen

11:23pm-
Jasmin: "Cherry..?! uh.. i wish MY name was a fruit."

The 8 of us are back at Allye's house. at
3:11am-
we had started four movies before putting on American Beauty and leaving it.

4:50am-
Austin to me: "Oh, man.. do NOT look at the time. How can we get out of going to the studio tomorrow..."

5:10am-
Me to Austin: "You staying at my house really changes our level of friendship. Just dont tell Stacy."

5:34am-
Austin sits down on the couch next to me and hands me half his bagel.
"YOU GUYS MATCH!!"
I lent him a pair of scrubs to sleep in and looked over to see we were also both wearing a green t shirt.
"Damn. Dont tell Stacy."

1/4/11

1/4/11
listening to: Sam Sparro

9:30am-
Alarm.
I'm playing that '10 more minutes' game. That game where you pretend 10 more minutes of sleep is gonna be helpful is some way but really you know if you're just playing it you've already lost.

11:28am-
Talking with Austin about yet another short film idea.
A 'the man who loved flowers' triggered idea.

1:41pm-
Currently sitting in an audio booth talking out the "Never Gonna Give You Up' lyrics. Learning how to do Voice Over recordings.

7:41pm-
Shay thought since no one was gonna be home it would be a good idea to just not lock the door to our apartment.
In New York city.
In Spanish Harlem.
Buh...?!

7:54pm-
Came home and noticed the apartment was noticeably cleaner...!

9:02pm-
"sorry, Jasmin, that it's so messy here. But, you should have seen it yesterday....!"
-Shay, bringing Sherrie and Jasmin home.

11 something..?-
Shay left to go take care of some loose ends....

1:21am-
"here... Know what Jolly Ranchers are...!?"
-Zane (a joke)
"Yes. I know what they are. ....I've just never had one.." -Jasmin (being serious)
"WHHAAATT!??!!"

2:40am-
Roof break. To dark for pictures..

3:01am-
"Hello."
"Hey, can you come down and pay for my cab.."
"Yeah. Just a sec."

5:44am-
"shay... can you write something down for me..?
k.. write 'austins giant script'.... and 'peephole bullseye'. thanks. gdnight.."

6:38am-
I woke up to a quiet television and a flickering candle with vivid memories of brutal dreams...

(((we were all at my texas house (but not our real house) having some kind of party. the duprees and friends of the family were all there.
i was wearing my hunting cap.
i fell asleep and was sleep walking and when i woke up i told my mom and weston what had happened and why i ended up in the shed:

(((the party was going on outside too and i walked out the backdoor and met a redheaded girl, dressed very conservatively and goody-two-shoes like. her grandma was standing near by, so i said something pleasant that the grandma would over hear. she wanted to go to a room but i said it'd be more fun if we we stayed close to the party. more... risky. we snuck off to a shed- dark and dusty but still somewhat attached to the party.
i lifted her up on a chair in the shed.
she was wearing a green skirt.
i knew it was a dream.))))

I woke up standing alone in the corner of the shed. and i wasnt confused as to WHY i was there. just how.

i was feeling weird and confused at this party.

a few more people came over - tiffany was one of them. i went right to her cause i was feeling strange and almost kissed her. but i stopped because jessie and weston and other people were around.

weird things were happening at this big party with a lot of my parents friends.

(((some group of people were trying to attack another group of people. we were harboring the latter.
one of the guys tried to attack me for not letting him into a room. i ran outside. he chased me and tried to hit me. i blocked and knocked him down.
i bent down and grabbed his head and just as i went to slam it into the sidewalk it changed into an empty bottle of grape juice.
i slammed it anyway.
bending it in my hand as i crushed it against the ground several times.
i finally stopped and dropped it and licked a little drop of grape juice that had splashed on my hand.
i felt bad.
sorry for what i did.)))

i woke up knowing it was all just a dream, but noticed that my mouth tasted like grape juice..)))

woke up. for real this time.
the candle is flickering.
my eyes burn.
Shay and Jasmin are talking in the other room.

1/3/11

1/3/11
Reading: Touching the Void -
Listening to : "When I'm Alone" by The Rifles (Pandora)

10:31am-
I like that I can wake up late to a text that my boss woke up late.
Convenient.

12:41pm-
"have a good day.
Be amazing."
Somehow encouraging.

2:13pm-
I'm really working on having a good handle on my time.
And time is such a hard thing to control. But it's going well. I feel like I'm doing alright so far.

7:17pm-
Heading home. Just realized I don't have keys to my apartment..

10:26pm-
Forgot Sherrie was only 20.
And not good at sneaking.

12:08am-
Austin directing Seans pose-
"More 'Jack Nickleson'... Ok.. Less."

1:41am-
Talking to lame people for so long really makes me miss my not lame friends.

2:29am-
Maybe a word of insight should be here at the bottom of each entry. Or somewhere... Or maybe just be recorded like everything else at the time that i think it..
I don't have time to find great quotes anymore, but sometimes I feel like there's more to be said about a day then the clips I've recorded..
So I can know that at 2:30 I was greatly appreciating the friends I have, and realizing, for real, how important being able to talk to a person is.
To be able to stand, and even ENJOY, their conversation.
A pretty face doesn't do much good when you're so bored you can barely keep you're eyes open.

3:27am-
I hope she doesn't take it the wrong way, but I mostly just want to sleep in my own bed....

1/2/11

1/2/11


12:24pm-
Matt (my boss at the studio) texts to say I can come in to get a head start on next week..
Mixed feelings.

1:42pm-
Back in the subway.
Ahh, New York.

5:46pm-
Austin and I talk at the studio about doing something tonight. Making friends is a new goal for both of us. I said I know a guy for that- so hopefully Shay can come out with us.

8:31pm-
Stop for eggs on the way to Austins house.
Egg sandwhich sounds so good right now...

12:24am-
At some place in Brooklyn 'making friends'.
Shay and Austin seem to be getting along really well. So that's good.
Almost tooo good....

1:41am-
Snack break/regroup back at Austins house. Plan phase two.

2:46am-
Austin- "...and you know, we just won't look. We can look a little.."

4:31am-
In for the night, we talk and laugh about everyone we met:
-Danger Zone-
(because she looked dangerous. Leather jacket and bad attitude.)
-Kathleen O'Hara
(because she looked like Kathleen O'Hara, the mom from home alone.) (how shay knew that name I have no idea.)
-The California Girls
(A group of obviously not intelligent people.)
-Jenny
-Tall Hat Girl
(Jennys friend.)

4:41am-
Austin almost slips when he bends down to dig thru his fridge.
He notices that I saw him.
That's his second time of showing signs of being... "sloppy".

1/1/11 The Beginning of a New Year

1/1/11


12:04pm-
Woke up.
I'm fully dressed in a bed with two other people in the Chelsea Hotel...




_____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____




"OK, Zane.
Its been a while since we've heard from you. Weve missed out on a couple of very full and somewhat exciting months.
You've finished your internship at that film studio and now you work there.
You've filmed a suicide scene that you and Austin wrote.
You've been hired for several film shoots including music videos, commercials, interviews and short films. You were even the assistant director for one i heard??? Learned a lot about scheduling and budgeting and what needs to happen on a set, i bet.
You had a good thanksgiving in New York, and a two week Christmas break in Texas, but now you're back in the city and a new year is starting.
Now what...?"

"Now I start the new year.
I've made some.. not 'New years resolutions' because those never last. More like, new life resolutions. That will start this year. Not because i need help keeping busy, i've been plenty busy. But to keep my brain moving. Someone said "your brain is a muscle, you know.. and just like other muscles if you dont use it and work it, it will shrivel and get weak."
I've known this.. but when it was said so plainly it really stuck.
So I've given myself some tasks that are solely to build brain strength by keeping it active:
- Restart my Minute Journal. [check]
- Read 1-2 books a month.
- Listen to two new bands/artists a month. (New music will be provided by Collin.)
- Keep up with NEW movies coming out and catch up on old classics i've never seen.
- Learn French.
- Make it a point to make FRIENDS. [FRIENDS - people i enjoy hanging out with for no ulterior reasons or purposes.]

It's kind of a lot. But I think its possible. Ya know, after a few months of practice anyway."

"I think its definitely possible. When do we start?"

"NOW!"

"Alright! Anything we need to know before we just jump into your life...?"



_____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____


At about 8:30 last night i got home from the airport, dragged my luggage up the stairs and knocked on the door expecting Shay to let me in.
A girl opened the door. Sherrie. Apparently she's from Atlanta and staying with us for 9 days to dance at some dance thing.
We were good friends within 4 hours.



1/1/11
Listening to: Kashmir - The Good Life
Reading: Touching the Void

“Every man should be born again on the first day of January. Start with a fresh page. Take up one hole more in the buckle if necessary, or let down one, according to circumstances; but on the first of January let every man gird himself once more, with his face to the front, and take no interest in the things that were and are past.”
-Henry Ward Beecher



3:34pm-
Sherrie and I came with Shay to his Nutcracker cast party.
Lounging in a huge apartment eating Thanksgiving food. And very thankful for it. We were very starving as if we didnt just gorge ourselves no more then 8 hours ago.

10:19pm-
Austin called to welcome me back to the city and say he's genuinely missed me.
Ok. I have one friend here.

10:51pm- Feels like 3 in the morning-
Sitting here in my living room with soft music and a candle burning trying to remember how to work this minute journal thing...